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Shannon Featured in ProFlowers Blog “Get Valentine’s Tips from the Experts!

Recently, InLoveWithMe.com’s Shannon Rios Paulsen, MS LMFT was featured in a ProFlowers blog along with other relationship experts including the Gottman Institute.

face a fear hot air balloon

The blog is: “Relationship Tips from the Experts” – see #16 on their blog post here.

Excerpt from the Blog:

“Anyone in a relationship has probably dreamed of coming up with an impressively creative Valentine’s Day idea. To get your creative juices flowing, we asked our romance experts for their own ideas, which could be the most romantic thing they have done, had done for them, or something else completely original.”

Shannon provided several great ideas on the subject, and if you want to view all of her ideas, click here to go to our full blog post about it! Being that we know it is all about self-love, Shannon wrote another article on how to focus on loving yourself, whether you are in a relationship or not!

The true secret is developing deep self-love.   This is the focus of her soon to be released book: “In Love With Me:  7 Self-Love Healing Strategies for Successful Partnerships, Parenting and Performance”.  You can preorder your copy here.

She was also featured in an article with the Gottman Institute as a Relationship Expert giving advice.

Shannon R. Rios Paulsen MS LMFT (www.inlovewithme.com) has spent the last 12 years learning, writing, and coaching about self-love. She is a professional life coach and a licensed marriage and family therapist. She is the author of two best-selling guided meditations: The Healing Journey Within: Meditations for Abundance and Love, Volume I (Deserving) and Volume II (Manifesting). She also wrote the best-selling book, The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict(www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com).  Shannon lives in Denver, CO with her Swedish husband whom she met on one of her solo self-love journeys in Thailand.

Face Your Fears! A Lesson In Self Love – Watch Video Here!

Here you have it, me facing one of my biggest fears! Face Your Fears Challenge!!

When I began to write my self-love book, over 11 years ago, I challenged my readers to face their biggest fears. One of mine was skydiving. So I did it! I never thought I would ever jump out of a plane. But, I knew that if I was challenging others, I must walk the talk. The reason facing our fears is crucial  is because it allows us to know we are capable of doing things we may not have previously believed we could do. This realization strengthens our mind.

Part of the journey of self-love is developing a strong mind.

Also, many of our fears involve the body and healing occurs through the body. Many times we hold fear in our bodies and when we face our fears, we release some of that old fear and/or trauma.

When I jumped out of that plane to face my own fear, wow, what an amazing experience it was! Because I was so afraid of doing it, it really did teach me I could do anything! In my soon to be released book,  7 Self-Love Strategies for Successful Partnerships, Parenting and Performance,  I talk about how facing our fears allows us to move forward in life.

I challenge you now to face your two biggest fears. Write them down. What is the first action you can take to move towards facing one of your fears? My first action was to invite my sister to join me skydiving and she said yes!

I really had to manage my mind to be able to jump out of that plane!

It was a mind strengthening exercise that prepared me for many challenges to come! The exhilaration I felt afterward was phenomenal. After that jump, I have done many other things that I may never have done had I not faced my fear. I have traveled solo to Guatemala, Peru, Costa Rica, India and Thailand. In my soon to be released book 7 Self-Love Strategies for Successful Partnerships, Parenting and Performance, (Spring/Summer 2014) you can take the journey of self-love with me and find your ultimate power in life. This journey is about loving ourselves so we can live our best life and create successful partnerships, parenting and performance. Are you ready for the challenge? I know you are! Let’s Roll!

Also, if you want to share your two fears or your story, photos, videos, please post below. We love to hear from you and support each other in this lifelong journey.

To purchase a pre-sale copy go here: http://bit.ly/loveme7

For more information on our coaching programs, go here: http://bit.ly/18FeUD0.

Shannon’s passion is partnering with individuals, organizations and families to assist them in living into their highest potential. Her life coaching focuses on the area of self-love and relationships. She has produced two highly acclaimed guided meditation CDs: The Healing Journey Within: Meditations for Abundance and Love Volume I: Deserving and Volume II: Manifesting. She also has trained extensively in the area of counseling. Shannon also is a trained Kundalini yoga instructor. She also developed her business www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com. In this capacity, she specializes in the niche area of families/children of divorce, separation and conflict. She wrote a best selling book “The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict”. She is an advocate for children and parents to live happy, healthy and peace-filled lives.

If you enjoyed this article, her best-selling CDs, The Healing Journey Within: Meditations for Abundance and Love” Volume I Deserving and Volume II: Manifesting, can be found here: http://bit.ly/meditat3. In addition, her highly acclaimed and best-selling book on parenting after divorce and healing after divorce is The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict and can be found here: http://inlovewithme.com/books/. Her new book, In Love With Me: 7 Self-Love Strategies for Successful Partnerships, Parenting and Performance will be released Spring/Summer 2014. To pre-order a PDF copy, go to http://bit.ly/loveme7. For all of her products, click here: http://inlovewithme.com/all-products.

Learning to Face Old Fears and Forgive

store robberyYes, that person mentioned in this article was ME! I will tell you that at 15 years old, this was probably one of the most terrifying days of my life.

I was working alone in my family’s convenience store in a small town in WI. One man came in and was masked, and I thought “oh no”. Then the next guy had no mask on so I thought “oh good”. Until, they asked me, or rather screamed at me to “open the cash register”.

I stared in disbelief and they screamed louder. I opened it and they told me to “get down on the ground”. I knelt down and that was not the right thing to do. “Get down flat”. Well, lying face down did not feel very safe to me with two huge men above me and I being a 15 year old female. I did what they said, they took all the money and as they left they said “you stay down there and count to 50”. Well, I did have some guts as I did immediately reach for the phone and call my mom. I then went and locked the door. I was in shock.

So many of us experience traumas, deaths, accidents that we do not always take the time to process or reflect on. Maybe these events even happened when we were children and we think they did not impact us (i.e. in the case of a death of sibling when we were consciously too young to remember), I am here to tell you that they do impact you.

In my new book, In Love With Me: 7 Self Love Strategies for Successful Partnerships, Parenting and Performance, I talk a lot about healing through the body. After events like these, as humans, we need to process. If you did not as a child, it can be very helpful to do this as an adult. Simply reflecting on how this impacted you can be healthy. I also did some EMDR work around this situation because it was healthy to really go back and reprogram what I felt. I really believe I lived in more fear for many years after that event in my life. When it happened, I did not even see a counselor or talk to anyone except the police.

Also, in all the forgiveness work I have done over the years, I had to forgive these two men for truly hurting me. They took my family’s money, they had no regard for me and they put me in a situation no 15 year old should have to be in. I forgave them. That forgiveness is for me. My new book has an entire chapter dedicated to forgiveness and how crucial it is in our lives.

My wish for you is a happy and healthy life! For more information on me and my life coaching programs please visit: http://inlovewithme.com/life-coaching.  To preorder a PDF copy of my new book, pls visit: http://bit.ly/loveme7

Shannon’s passion is partnering with individuals, organizations and families to assist them in living into their highest potential.  Her life coaching focuses on the area of self-love and relationships.  Her business is www.inlovewithme.com.  She has produced two highly acclaimed guided meditation CDs:  The Healing Journey Within:  Meditations for Abundance and Love Volume I: Deserving and Volume II: Manifesting.  She also has trained extensively in the area of counseling.  Shannon also is a trained Kundalini yoga instructor.  She also developed her business www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com.   In this capacity, she specializes in the niche area of families/children of divorce, separation and conflict.  She wrote a best selling book “The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make:  Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict”.  She is an advocate for children and parents to live happy, healthy and peace-filled lives.

If you enjoyed this article, her best-selling CDs, The Healing Journey Within: Meditations for Abundance and Love” Volume I Deserving and Volume II: Manifesting, can be found here: http://bit.ly/meditat3. In addition, her highly acclaimed and best-selling book on parenting after divorce and healing after divorce is The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict and can be found here: http://inlovewithme.com/books/.  Her new book, In Love With Me: 7 Self-Love Strategies for Successful Partnerships, Parenting and Performance will be released Spring/Summer 2014. To pre-order a PDF copy, go to http://bit.ly/loveme7. For all of her products, click here: http://inlovewithme.com/all-products.

Let’s Get CREATIVE this Valentine’s Day – 13 Ideas to Love You and Love Them!

Make this Valentine’s Day special for your loved one.  My advice is focus on loving yourself first and then focus on just loving your partner.  My challenge to you is to not EXPECT anything this Valentine’s Day.  Make it ALL about THEM!

13 creative valentines

1.       Hot Air Balloon Ride, Skydiving, Scuba diving Lessons – Face a fear and have fun together!

2.       Get a couples massage together to increase intimacy and romance.

3.       Buy a dozen roses and put hearts on each one with loving messages or coupons  such as “one free massage”, also include any other promises that you may want to make (about things they love)!

4.       Take your sweetheart to a place you love together or plan a trip to where you were married or fell in love.  I met my Swedish husband in Thailand so going back to Thailand would be a wonderful experience.   Give them a coupon to “Plan a Romantic Trip Together” in the next year.

Spending the Day:

1.        Focus on loving yourself, and not expecting anything, and then focus on what you can do to make your partner feel loved.  You KNOW what those things are!

2.       Surprise them by showing up at their work with flowers just to tell them you love them.

3.       Write them a note that tells them all the reasons you love them.

4.       Write a poem that shows your love.

5.       Plan a day with everything you know they will love, do not worry what they have planned for you!

6.       Make sure to take time and appreciate yourself and what you love about you.  Then take time and verbally tell your partner what they mean to you and why you are grateful they are in your life.

7.       Finish this sentence:  I am grateful for you because___________________________________

8.       Be present with them, this is truly the greatest gift to anyone.  Breathe and focus on them.  Be calm and think to yourself, “I am pure love”.  When you know you are love, you exude love and create love with your partner.

9.    Bring them breakfast in bed!  Yes, everyone loves this treat…….

See what happens when you believe you are love and just give love to your partner unconditionally.  I wish you a love-filled Valentine’s Day.  You deserve it!  Have fun!         

Shannon Rios, Life and Leadership Coach, Best- Selling Author, Meditation Writer and CEO at www.inlovewithme.com, www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com and www.rioscoaching.com .  Best-selling Author of “The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make:  Strategies for Raising Healthy Children”.  Writer and Producer of to two Guided Meditation CDs “The Healing Journey Within: Meditations for Abundance and Love Volume I: Deserving and Volume II: Manifesting.  Her new book, In Love With Me: 7 Self-Love Strategies for Successful Partnerships, Parenting and Performance will be released Spring/Summer 2014. To pre-order a PDF copy, go to http://bit.ly/loveme7.

Are You Single This Valentine’s Day – Calling All Single Women! 8 Ways to Love Yourself!

Yes, it will be here soon!  That holiday that sometimes you dread when you are single.  But you know what, I found ways to make it fun and just focus on loving me…… I wanted to take this time to share those ideas with all of you.

single women

This year, my advice is just really truly focus on loving YOU!  You deserve it.  I can guarantee you that the more you love you, the easier it will be to attract that next amazing partner (should you want that).

1.       Send yourself flowers!  I did when I was single and it was wonderful.  I signed it “I love you beautiful girl!”  You can make yourself happy.

2.       Do whatever you love to do: get a massage, take a hot bath, take care of you and love you!

3.       Buy a card for your future partner; know they are on the horizon, envision all of their wonderful characteristics and write those down!  Believe it will happen and feel the love you will feel with this person.

4.       Get together with girlfriends and have a wonderful dinner.

5.       Send your best single girlfriend flowers so she has a happy day today!

6.       Volunteer somewhere in your community today or commit to volunteering.  There is nothing like focusing on others to let us know how lucky we are.

7.       Decide to take yourself on a solo journey of self-love – have fun solo, you can take a charter trip or just go anywhere solo!  I traveled to Guatemala, Bolivia, Peru, India and Thailand Solo.  Best trips of my life!

8.       Do whatever it takes to love yourself more!  Whether you have a partner or not, this is the key to happy life and relationships!

My wish for you is an amazing and love-filled Valentine’s Day where you celebrate the most important person in the world – YOU!  If I could send flowers to every single one of you I would, but instead I am sending you a BIG virtual hug all the way from Denver, Colorado!  Take a deep breath and feel it!

Shannon Rios, Life and Leadership Coach, Best- Selling Author, Meditation Writer and CEO at www.inlovewithme.com, www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com and www.rioscoaching.com .  Best-selling Author of “The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make:  Strategies for Raising Healthy Children”.  Writer and Producer of to two Guided Meditation CDs “The Healing Journey Within: Meditations for Abundance and Love Volume I: Deserving and Volume II: Manifesting.  Her new book, In Love With Me: 7 Self-Love Strategies for Successful Partnerships, Parenting and Performance will be released Spring/Summer 2014. To pre-order a PDF copy, go to http://bit.ly/loveme7.

The Unconditional Love of a Dog: In Loving Memory of Sassy

On December 18, 2013 my little girl Sassy, my furry child passed on.  She was so sweet, kind and unconditionally loving.  She taught me so much.  She was 16 or 17 in dog years and shared my life for the last 12.  Here is our story.

sassy & shannon

Sassy happened upon my dad’s farm in Wisconsin the Summer of 2001.  She and her brother Ted were very ragged and hungry.   I was single at the time and when I met her, I knew I wanted a dog.  I met her and her sweetness overtook me.  I called my dad to ask if I could take Sassy.  “Well of course you can” he said.  Sassy and I went through so much together.  She even moved to Colorado with me.  She was my companion.   Just her presence provided me with so much.  She was always waiting when I returned from my trips.  She was my steady.  Everyone loved Sassy, she was the easiest dog in the world.  In fact, I only kenneled her once in 12 years, she had so many that loved her.  We both were so grateful for that and for all the wonderful other caretakers she had.

In the last few years her health was failing and I was afraid for the day when she would no longer be by my side.  I always wondered if this would be the last Christmas sweater I would buy her the last few years.   I had so hoped she would just pass peacefully in her sleep but she did not.  She had very bad joint and hip pain.  It had spread throughout her body.  It was so bad that at the end she could not get out of her bed in the morning.  She would lay and cry.  Her crying hurt me more than I could have imagined it would.  You know, dogs they just don’t really complain about much so when she did I knew it was really serious.  I guess I can also be so grateful for all the years that she did not show me her pain.  She actually had been very afraid of storms.  It was wonderful when first we moved to CO where we have less thunder and second when she lost her hearingJ.

When it was time, I am so grateful that my new husband of three months was with me.  I could never have done it alone.  I held her in my arms for her last breaths.  He held me.  It was the hardest thing I have ever done.  It was also the highest honor I have had thus far in my life, to witness the passing of such a beautiful soul.  To be there for her and hold her in her last minutes was an honor.  It is still hard to write about but I wanted to honor her here.  She deserves it.  I brought her photo into my office today as this will be the first day I see a client without her in 12 years.  She was always here, helping me with my clients (especially the kids who loved to pet her) and just being a loving calm presence.  Her presence is still here with me and deserves to be here so I have her photo facing my clients.

She taught me that we can all learn at any age.  As she got older she was peeing in the house more and having some trouble with her hips.  I found Zukes dog treats online (we recommend them) and Sassy loved her Zukes.  I decided to try to train her to pee better outside so when she came in I started to give her a Zukes.  She caught on quite quickly.  One day after I took her out and she peed, I came in and started a kitchen project.  I turned around after about 15 minutes to see her staring at me “where are my Zukes, did you forget?”.  I was so proud of her that she reminded me.  She taught me that old dogs (all of us) can learn new tricks.

I have heard so many people share their stories about the amazing love of a pet.  It seems our connection to these dear animals really is an aspect of our own healing and love on this planet.  So many of them share this journey with us, I am so grateful.  They are special gifts.

For the last 5 days I have worked steady on my new self-love book as I had a huge deadline.  The book is In Love With Me: The 7 Healing Strategies for Successful Partnerships, Parenting and Performance.  As I look at the chapters – Choosing Love, Forgiveness and Trust, Acceptance, Relationships, Boundaries, Healing and Happiness, I learned about all of these from her.  I honestly learned a lot about self-love from this precious dog.  She truly has been my longest relationship.  She was always there waiting when I returned from my long solo journeys.  Her steadfast love is truly missed.   I do feel her loving spirit and I know she is always with me, especially in my heart.

Thank you for your love and I love you Sassy Roo.

 

How to end the pain of a relationship

Along with producing many meditation CD/MP3’s, such as Meditations for Abundance and Love: Volume I Deserving and Volume II: Manifesting (available here at: http://bit.ly/meditat3), I have also written a best-selling book, The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict,  available in print or PDF  at inlovewithme.com/books,  or on Kindle through Amazon at http://amzn.to/TIRGz4. Individual chapters are also for sale on http://inlovewithme.com/books/e-book-chapters.

Here is an excerpt about how to end the pain of a relationship:

Sometimes when relationships end, it can be difficult to move forward with our lives. We may choose to stay stuck in the pain versus push through it to move forward with our lives. Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I still feel angry with my child’s other parent?

2. Do I still feel very sad, like I can’t move on because I am still upset?

3. Do I still blame my child’s other parent for my pain and hurt?

man and woman on beachIf you answered Yes to any of the above, you may be choosing, consciously or unconsciously, to stay stuck. You do have to move through the stages of grief, and there is no fixed time limit for that to occur, however, where ever you are in the grieving process, this chapter will help you move forward. This place of being stopped can sometimes feel safer and easier than taking the steps to move forward. It may be unclear to you what steps you need to take. The truth is that if you are choosing to stay stuck, you are choosing to not move on from this relationship. You could also feel that you are punishing your child’s other parent. However, you are truly punishing yourself and your child by not moving forward. While it may be true that your co-parent hurt you or wronged you in some way, the truth is that you were 50% of that relationship. You now have to make a choice.  You can choose to move on to create a healthy environment for you and your child or you can stay stuck in a place of anger and pain over a relationship that no longer exists. You can be the victim, but know that victims are not healthy parents.

Shannon R Rios MS is a successful Life Coach and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She coaches parents as a life coach through her life coaching business www.inlovewithme.com so that parents can move forward and create healthy lives and relationships with themselves, their children and others. She is also the founder of www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com

If you enjoyed this article, her best-selling book on parenting after divorce and healing after divorce is The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict and can be found here: http://inlovewithme.com/books

How does counseling help kids of divorce?

Along with producing many meditation CD/MP3’s, such as Meditations for Abundance and Love: Volume I Deserving and Volume II: Manifesting (available here at: http://bit.ly/meditat3), I have also written a best-selling book, The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict, available in print or PDF at inlovewithme.com/books, or on Kindle through Amazon at http://amzn.to/TIRGz4. Individual chapters are also for sale on http://inlovewithme.com/books/e-book-chapters.

Here is an excerpt about counseling kids of divorce:

singleparent2Spending time with a counselor provides your child with one-on-one time with an adult who is focused on them. This can be especially crucial if parents are struggling emotionally. When I work with children, we sometimes discuss and process difficult things. We also have fun together. I always spend some time with each child doing something that they enjoy doing. There is always time in my sessions where the child has complete control. Children can sometimes feel out of control during the divorce.
Children thrive when they feel that they are the focus of the session and this is special time just for them.

Someone to Share Their Feelings With: Children can share with counselors what they may be afraid to share with their parents. Your children may not want to share certain things with you for various reasons. The biggest reason is that they do not want to hurt you or your feelings. They want to protect you. Children are so amazingly intelligent. They have so many amazing thoughts and concerns going through their minds. You would not believe some of the concerns I have heard. I would never believe them had I not heard them directly from the children as I worked with them. Children may be afraid to share these concerns with you. They also may have been asked to keep secrets by one or both of their parents. Once your child trusts their therapist, they can share these concerns with the therapist. I tell all the children I work with that they can tell me anything and I will not share it with their parents unless it is a life-threatening situation and I have to tell. I do tell them that if I think we should share it with their parents, that we will discuss this. This gives children a lot of freedom in being able to work with me to process some deep fears. I want children to trust me because my goal as a therapist is to be there for them. If they can share something with me, and choose not to share it with their parents, I still believe that it is healthier because the child and I can process through the concern. They are able to release a lot of stress in sharing their fear with me. This promotes healthy development for your child.

Shannon R Rios MS is a successful Life Coach and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She coaches parents as a life coach through her life coaching business www.inlovewithme.com so that parents can move forward and create healthy lives and relationships with themselves, their children and others. She is also the founder of www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com

If you enjoyed this article, her best-selling book on parenting after divorce and healing after divorce is The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict and can be found here: http://inlovewithme.com/books

Being Proactive: The effects of divorce on your child

Along with producing many meditation CD/MP3’s, such as Meditations for Abundance and Love: Volume I Deserving and Volume II: Manifesting (available here at: http://bit.ly/meditat3), I have also written a best-selling book, The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict,  available in print or PDF  at inlovewithme.com/books,  or on Kindle through Amazon at http://amzn.to/TIRGz4. Individual chapters are also for sale on http://inlovewithme.com/books/e-book-chapters.

Here is an excerpt on being proactive with the effects of divorce on your child:

Young child holding yellow flower to her face

Some parents may feel bad that their child “has” to see a professional due to their divorce. You should only feel bad if you do not have your child see a professional. My model of working with families of divorce is a proactive model. I do not believe something has to be “wrong” with the child. Children need to process their divorce experience with a professional so that nothing stands in your child’s way of living to their full potential. Even in the best divorce situations, children still have huge feelings; acknowledging these feelings early on is healthy. With every child I work with, I work through the child’s concerns so they can let them go and move forward more easily in life. If they don’t acknowledge them now, they will have to do this work later and it will be far more difficult for them later in life. Give your child the gift of working with someone who can assist them now in living to their full potential. I prefer to work with children early on vs. later when they are having bigger issues such as failing in school, drugs, drinking, etc. I talked with a counselor who saw teenage children for many different issues. Her practice was not focused on children of divorce, its focus was teens with issues. She said, “Most of the children I see are children of divorce. That ends up being a focus of my practice by default.”

National studies report that children of divorce are referred for mental health visits about three times as often as children in two-parent, intact families. Please note, these are not proactive visits, these are children with issues after the divorce has occurred. This is my point. If we take care of children up front, they will struggle less and have to seek less counseling later as teenagers or in their adult years.

Shannon R Rios MS is a successful Life Coach and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She coaches parents as a life coach through her life coaching business www.inlovewithme.com so that parents can move forward and create healthy lives and relationships with themselves, their children and others. She is also the founder of www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com

If you enjoyed this article, her best-selling book on parenting after divorce and healing after divorce is The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict and can be found here: http://inlovewithme.com/books

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