How Can You Love Yourself Today?

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In Memory of Leanne

Recently a woman went missing that had lived in Denver.  I saw flyers in my neighborhood.  She had just returned to the US from a 22 month round the world journey.  She was an amazing woman and people were searching for her.  She had actually been in TX staying with family until their home was again ready in Denver.  She and her husband had rented it out while they were on their voyage of love and life.

I read Leanne’s blog from her trip and really connected with her.  She was an amazing spirit.  She and her husband had enjoyed life so fully on that trip.  After she went missing it started to emerge that readjusting back to the US had been stressful for her. 

I understand this feeling, I have traveled outside of the US a lot.  After about 3 weeks I could just stay wherever I am, it feels like so much pressure when you think about returning to your life back in the US.  You can travel and be free and not have to live up to anyone’s expectations.  You don’t have bills to pay, people to answer to, work to do.  It is a wonderful experience that everyone should enjoy.  I have really ever felt more freedom than when I have traveled on my solo journeys.

denver lady photo

However upon return, it can feel stressful.  Leanne went for a walk but actually committed suicide during her hike.  The truth is that on one hand, I truly completely understand.  She loved life, you can see it from this photo.  When you love and feel so deeply it can truly be hard to be on this earth with so many things out of integrity or when you see so much pain.   I know I struggle with this at times, I can not watch the news and I can not watch violent movies ever.  Other people’s pain hurts me at my core.  I can only send prayers and love and light when I hear of a tragedy.

I don’t even want to not honor her by not honoring her choice.  It was the choice she felt was best for her at this time.  We probably will never understand why exactly but we know she was a beautiful spirit. 

However, if you do feel this type of pain, please reach out for love and support.  So many love us and we sometimes can forget that in the depths of pain, fear and anxiety.

In Leanne’s Honor, I simply ask you:  What can you do to love yourself more today?  What can you do to love those you love more today?

What I know is that you are a brilliant bright spirit here to do a lot of amazing work on this planet.  I thank you for being here, reading this blog and remembering the beauty that you are.

You are pure love (close your eyes and breathe into this).

You are pure love (close your eyes and breathe into this).

You are pure love (close your eyes and breathe into this).

Shannon R. Rios Paulsen MS LMFT has spent the last 12 years learning, writing, and coaching about self-love. She is a professional life coach and a licensed marriage and family therapist. She is the author of two best-selling guided meditations: The Healing Journey Within: Meditations for Abundance and Love, Volume I (Deserving) and Volume II (Manifesting). She also wrote the best-selling book, The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict .  Shannon lives in Denver, CO with her Swedish husband whom she met on one of her solo self-love journeys in Thailand.

Parenting & Divorce: Meeting The Needs of Our Children Part 2

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See part 1 of this article here: Parenting & Divorce: Meeting the Needs of Our Children Part 1

Role of Parents During Divorce

At the end of this blog post is a tool entitled, The Parent’s Promise and no matter what stage of divorce you are in, some or all of these items will apply to you. This document was written by children of divorce for children of divorce. Please ensure that you are adhering to these promises should you move forward towards the divorce decision. Prior to, during, and after your divorce, when interacting with your children always ask yourself, “Is this behavior helping or hurting my child?”

Your role as a parent is to put your children first. No matter whose choice the divorce was or whose fault it was, one thing is for sure — it was not the choice of the children. We must look out for their best interests during this time.

DiscussionCommunication

Communication is another responsibility of the parent. Depending upon the stage of divorce that you are in, it is very important for you to communicate with your children about this event. In the initial communication to the children, it is optimal if both parents can communicate about the divorce together; however this may not always be possible.

Children are very perceptive and it is best for you to be open and honest with them. It is very important that your children know you are not leaving them and that both of you still love them very much. For further information on communicating with your children about your divorce, please refer to the book, Good Parenting Through Your Divorce by Mary Ellen Hannibal (2002).

The Parent’s Promise

Written by Children of Divorce for Children of Divorce

For the greatest good of my child ______I hereby agree that:

  1. I will not speak negatively about my child’s other parent to my child.
  2. I will not say to my child “that (insert negative behavior or characteristic) is just like your father/mother”.
  3. I agree to not put my child in the middle of issues with their other parent (esp. child support).
  4. I agree to not use my child as a pawn to get back at their other parent.
  5. I agree that if my child’s parent has a new relationship that I will not speak negatively of this other person to my child.
  6. I will not expect my child to support my emotional health.
  7. I will periodically ask my child how they are doing.
  8. I will do my best to fully support my child during this process.
  9. I will allow my child to be a child during this time.
  10. I will seek outside professional counseling if I need to speak with someone about this situation or if I am having difficulty maintaining this agreement.
  11. I agree that if I do not uphold the above promises that I personally am not acting in the best interest of my child’s physical and emotional health.
  12. I will speak with my child’s coach/counselor once a month to gain further insight.

By agreeing to the Parent’s Promise I am accepting responsibility as a parent to provide the best environment possible during this transition for my child. In upholding these promises, I am also acknowledging to my child that they have no fault in this decision that was made by their parents. I am fully committed to the best interest of my child’s emotional and physical health during this time and to their future growth and development.

Honestly and with much love, I commit to this for my child. (Signed, __________)

Copyright Shannon Rios 2002. Reprinted by permission only.

Shannon R. Rios Paulsen MS LMFT (www.inlovewithme.com) has spent the last 12 years learning, writing, and coaching about self-love. She is a professional life coach and a licensed marriage and family therapist. She is the author of two best-selling guided meditations: The Healing Journey Within: Meditations for Abundance and Love, Volume I (Deserving) and Volume II (Manifesting). She also wrote the best-selling book, The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict (www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com).  Shannon lives in Denver, CO with her Swedish husband whom she met on one of her solo self-love journeys in Thailand.

 

Stay tuned as we answer more questions in this series.

Parenting and Divorce: Meeting the Needs of our Children Part 1

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Children are a huge source of love in our lives; they can say one sentence, bring a huge smile to our face, and remind us of the innocence of childhood. Children all deserve that time of play, laughter, and fun as they grow up. This blog series addresses what parents and other loved ones can do for children before, during and after a divorce. You can take this information and pass it along or decide to be mentor or positive role model for the children yourself.

happy children feeding ducksChildren are resilient and they will make it through this event. However, I also want you to know that your behavior and the actions you take will have a major impact on your children and their lives. It is very positive that you are reading this blog series. It says that you are curious and that you want to understand how your divorce may impact or has impacted your children.

I have had the opportunity to know many divorcing parents. From conversations with them and research I have done, I identified some questions you may be asking yourself: “What is my role as a parent as I go through this process?” “Why is thinking about the impact of divorce on my children important?” “What might my children be going through during this time?” and “What should I be doing for my children during this time?” I will attempt to answer these questions over the next few weeks.

Why is thinking about the impact of divorce on my children important?

It is very important to put children first during the divorce process. Research suggests that divorce can negatively impact children. We do know for sure that no matter what, divorce creates stress and disruption in children’s lives, which can be minimized if parents take time to understand the impact of divorce on children and what they can do to minimize that impact. In taking time to think about this impact, you are putting your children first.

Parents may not want to think that divorce impacts their children or read blogs such as this one that may invoke feelings of guilt. If this topic does bring up some feelings of guilt, take a minute to realize that taking a step to positively impact your child’s future should never entail any amount of guilt. The long-term benefits to your child will outweigh the feelings of guilt you may have ten-fold. I can tell you with great certainty that if you apply some of the advice put forth in this blog, you will be going a long way in assisting your children through this process.

Divorce is a decision that will impact your family for the rest of your lives. Take a few minutes to understand how you can play a role in ensuring that your children are well taken care of during this process. That is all that they can ask from you or that you can ask from yourself during this time. You have a lot going on, but taking time to think about your children’s needs is probably more important than you could ever imagine.

Shannon R. Rios Paulsen MS LMFT (www.inlovewithme.com) has spent the last 12 years learning, writing, and coaching about self-love. She is a professional life coach and a licensed marriage and family therapist. She is the author of two best-selling guided meditations: The Healing Journey Within: Meditations for Abundance and Love, Volume I (Deserving) and Volume II (Manifesting). She also wrote the best-selling book, The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict (www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com).  Shannon lives in Denver, CO with her Swedish husband whom she met on one of her solo self-love journeys in Thailand.

Stay tuned as we answer more questions in this series.

Waves of Costa Rica

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The waves of Costa Rica would like to remind you of your beauty and how much you have to bring to this world.
Remember, you are the love.   Listen to this message and remember your divine beauty.  Have a beautiful day.

Shannon Rios Paulsen MS LMFT www.inlovewithme.com

Shannon Featured in ProFlowers Blog “Get Valentine’s Tips from the Experts!

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Recently, InLoveWithMe.com’s Shannon Rios Paulsen, MS LMFT was featured in a ProFlowers blog along with other relationship experts including the Gottman Institute.

face a fear hot air balloon

The blog is: “Relationship Tips from the Experts” – see #16 on their blog post here.

Excerpt from the Blog:

“Anyone in a relationship has probably dreamed of coming up with an impressively creative Valentine’s Day idea. To get your creative juices flowing, we asked our romance experts for their own ideas, which could be the most romantic thing they have done, had done for them, or something else completely original.”

Shannon provided several great ideas on the subject, and if you want to view all of her ideas, click here to go to our full blog post about it! Being that we know it is all about self-love, Shannon wrote another article on how to focus on loving yourself, whether you are in a relationship or not!

The true secret is developing deep self-love.   This is the focus of her soon to be released book: “In Love With Me:  7 Self-Love Healing Strategies for Successful Partnerships, Parenting and Performance”.  You can preorder your copy here.

She was also featured in an article with the Gottman Institute as a Relationship Expert giving advice.

Shannon R. Rios Paulsen MS LMFT (www.inlovewithme.com) has spent the last 12 years learning, writing, and coaching about self-love. She is a professional life coach and a licensed marriage and family therapist. She is the author of two best-selling guided meditations: The Healing Journey Within: Meditations for Abundance and Love, Volume I (Deserving) and Volume II (Manifesting). She also wrote the best-selling book, The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict(www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com).  Shannon lives in Denver, CO with her Swedish husband whom she met on one of her solo self-love journeys in Thailand.